Kswims

Flashback to Fall 2022 – I am not sure which month, as I have no concept of time anymore. I was still feeling pretty tired from my Catalina Channel crossing in July, and burnt out from two years back to back of hard training for Anacapa and Catalina. I wasn’t sure if I was going to plan any big swims for 2023, or take a year off and swim purely for fun. Well, I always swim for fun, so let me rephrase that: take a year off and swim purely for “Type 1 fun“. I wasn’t sure if I was down for more “Type 2 fun” in 2023. I was leaning towards not. So, I went for a “Type 1 fun” swim with my friend and training buddy, Michella. She did a lot of my training for Catalina with me, and was on my crew as a pace swimmer and hype woman. We can swim stroke for stroke for hours. I have nicknamed her my “swim twin”. 👯‍♀️ We were chatting after our swim and she mentioned her interest in swimming 20 Bridges in 2023, to complete her Triple Crown (Catalina Channel, English Channel, and 20 Bridges). She asked if I was interested in doing 20 Bridges as a tandem swim together. Without hesitation I responded, “YES”. That was that, there would be more “Type 2 fun” in store for 2023 (provided New York Open Water-NYOW accepted our swim application the following Spring, which they fortunately did).

I also wanted to lead by sharing that this swim became very meaningful to me. I decided to swim in memory of my partner Rick’s mother, Marie Kuhnla, who passed away in 2018. She was a native New Yorker who lived on Long Island for most of her life, and loved spending time at the beach and out on the water. She was an incredibly kind and compassionate person – her love for her family was unparalleled, and she always treated me like one of her own. She was an intelligent, dedicated public defender who devoted her career to fighting for justice for those in need. She had a clever sense of humor, great sense of adventure, and profound love for animals – especially cats. Some of Rick’s favorite childhood memories with his mom included their cats, Bub and Guppa. Thus, as part of my swim I raised money for the East Coast Maine Coon Rescue in Marie’s memory. Rick chose this organization as one he felt would be meaningful to her, to help animals in her long-time community. Michella also raised money for the UC San Diego Basic Needs Initiatives that offers important resources to students. So, our swim was doubly meaningful and impactful!

A little bit more about the swim itself – 20 Bridges is a 28.5 mile counter-clockwise circumnavigation of Manhattan, starting in the Hudson at the Battery, going through the Harlem and East Rivers, and finally back down the Hudson towards the starting point. This swim is unique because it is tidal assisted, so it is a FAST swim. Every swim is different based on conditions, but for example I finished Catalina (~20 miles) in 13 hours 14 minutes. In contrast, we projected 20 Bridges (28.5 miles) to take about 9 hours. Finally, I would know what it feels like to be a “fast” swimmer! Not that it really matters, I say that jokingly as I am perfectly happy swimming my pace. Our swim was scheduled for Friday June 2, the first date of the season, and would be unique because this was the first year that NYOW offered night swims! I figured, since I will have this 9-hour night swim under my belt this season, I might as well attempt the Length of Lake Tahoe this year too, since I’ll be trained for it! I went ahead and secured a date for Length of Tahoe on 7/21 – more on that to come. Quickly things had escalated from “Type 1 fun” only in 2023, to “Type 2 fun” with 20 Bridges, to possible treading in the “Type 3 fun” territory with the addition of Length of Tahoe. Once again, time to fuck around and find out!

… and fuck around and find out we did. Our training proved to be interesting with record breaking cold ocean temperatures well into the Spring. The water was in the mid-fifties for most of April. Michella and I completed 4, 5, and 6-hour training swims in sub-60 degree water. The swims kept getting longer, but the water did not get warmer. I think the water was about 55 degrees the day of our 5-hour training swim, and we were relieved when it warmed up to a “balmy” 58-59 degrees for our 6-hour swim. I have been swimming year-round in all conditions without a wetsuit for over 10 years now, and I thought I “knew what was up”. I entered a whole different realm of cold water swimming this season and pushed my own personal limits, broke through new barriers. Like, swimming THROUGH being cold to the point where you become warm again. Swimming for so long in the cold that you develop “the claw” and lose finger dexterity, and then continuing to swim so long in the cold that “the claw” goes away and your finger dexterity returns. I found that usually the first 90 minutes of a sub-60 degree long swim are usually the worse, and then it gets better. Or I just got used to being uncomfortable. Whatever. Disclaimer: I swim safely, with a buddy, gradually increased my time in the cold water, and did not compromise my safety or health during my training.

Finally, the water broke the 60 degree mark in May and our long swims became significantly more comfortable. Before we knew it, it was time to taper, and we were off to NYC on 5/31. “We” included myself, my partner Rick as land crew and morale support, Michella, and Michella’s daughter Mia as Crew Chief. My mom served the important role of Virtual Crew Chief and supported us from Dallas, as she would be headed to Tahoe with me for a week in July for my Tahoe Length swim. Our friend Abby Fairman met us in New York and would be the official NYOW observer for our swim. We truly had the A-team, and the swim wouldn’t have been possible without them!

We flew into JFK on Wednesday, May 31. The flight was uneventful, although the Uber into the city was questionable. Our driver greeted us with his fly unzipped and butt crack exposed. Terrible traffic into the city. But we made it! Rick and I stayed at the Ace Hotel in Midtown Manhattan. It was an absolute serendipitous coincidence that the Milk Bar flagship bakery was adjacent to our hotel. Milk Bar is one of my favorite must-visit places; I ordered a cake from them to enjoy after my Anacapa and Catalina swims and couldn’t wait to visit the bakery in NYC. Total happy coincidence. Rick and I went to grab pizza for dinner and then quickly made a beeline to Milk Bar where I got a build-a-pint with cereal milk soft serve and birthday cake crumbles, as well as 2 slices of cake and 2 cookies to have on hand in the hotel room during our trip. Everything was delicious and gone within a few days.

Thursday was a lot of fun, but I may have bitten off a little more than I could chew the day before a big swim. I was worn out by the end of the day and a little overstimulated from being in “the big city”. I wouldn’t have changed a thing, though. Rick and I went to the Met, Central Park, out to a nice Italian dinner at La Pecora Bianca, and then up to the top of the Empire State Building for sunset. We were still in bed by 9pm.

We slept in the next morning, met my friend Jeanne for brunch at Bubby’s, and then it was time to REST as much as possible until it was time to head to the swim start at Battery Park. I took a nap, mixed my feeds, then headed down to Black Seed for a bagel sandwich as “the last meal” before my swim. I wanted to explain the significance of this bagel to the individual at the bagel shop, so I shared with them, “This bagel is going to be the last thing I eat before I head down to the Battery and jump in the Hudson at 6pm”. He looked VERY concerned and said, “you have so much to live for!”. “No!” – I explained, “I am not suicidal, I am going to swim around Manhattan … for fun … it’s a thing”. I would later go back after my swim to get another bagel, show him I was indeed alive, and make a new friend (we bonded over our mutual bunny tattoos).

Before I knew it, it was time to grab all my gear and feeds, summon a cab, and head down to the Battery for the swim! Rick and I arrived around 4:30 PM and met Michella, Mia, and Abby there. There was a fun group gathered for the start of the swim, including Milko and Dan (the 2 other swimmers swimming that night) as well as Sarah, Amy, and Bengisu who would be swimming the next day, and their support persons. The good vibes before the swim helped alleviate typical pre-swim nerves. After reviewing details and safety info, it was time for Michella, Mia, Abby, and I to board our support boat and take a quick ride down to Pier A, where the swim was to start. Our captain and kayakers were all ready to go. Dave Barra was my assigned kayaker- which made me happy as I had met him over a decade prior at the Highland Lakes Challenge in Austin, TX. This was when I was a new open water swimmer, and his achievement of the Triple Crown seemed like an unimaginable achievement to me. It was so cool to tell him this, as this swim would be my second of the Triple Crown swims.

The start of the swim felt a tad rushed and chaotic as it took some coordination to get the boat, both kayakers, and Michella and I into position. We were supposed to start at 5:45pm, although we were delayed about 30 minutes. This was a tad nerve-wracking, as it gave us less time to reach Mill Rock before the tide changed. This is an important milestone several miles into the swim. If you don’t make it before the tide changes, you will not be able to outswim the current, and will not be able to complete the swim. Abby encouraged us to swim hard for the first 2 hours to make the cutoff. We were determined, and before we knew it, it was time to start our swim! We jumped into the water, swam over to the starting point at Pier A. Rick, Sarah, Amy, and a few others were there on Pier A to cheer us on at the start. Then we just started swimming, as we always do!

It was a windy and overcast afternoon, and I could feel the movement in the water. It was choppy and textured, water was swirling around us, and we were moving with it! It was amazing to see how fast we were moving relative to the shore. Michella and I settled into a synchronized pace quickly. All those hours training together truly paid off. We rounded the corner past the Staten Island Ferry building and had to stop briefly to let the ferry pass. Then, off to the right, I saw a truly beautiful sight. I picked my head up and asked Dave, “Is that… a TRASH BARGE?!!!”. He stated yes, and added that it was there for an authentic NYC experience. “That is AWESOME!,” I exclaimed, utterly delighted. He may have been confused, as he wasn’t aware of the “Team Dumpster Fire” moniker, or that I identify as a garbage person. I watched the trash barge go by and felt that moment was on brand for a great swim ahead. I put my head down and kept swimming.

Before we knew it – we reached our first two bridges, the iconic Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan Bridge (1.4 miles and 1.8 miles in, respectively). It was truly indescribable to swim under these bridges. I HATE backstroke, but I flipped over onto my back to swim backstroke under these first two bridges for the full experience. I have walked over the Brooklyn Bridge before, and it was such a unique experience to have the opposite vantage point. Around this time, it started raining softly and there were small flashes of lightning off in the distance. I was a tad worried that the weather would deteriorate and impact the swim, but mostly I was just present in the moment and enjoying the experience of swimming in the rain. Shortly thereafter, it was time for our first feed. It seemed like a lot of time had elapsed before our first feed. The plan was to feed after the first hour, and then every 30 minutes thereafter. Abby informed us that she held our first feed until 1 hour and 30 minutes to make up lost time at the start to get us to Mill Rock faster. Her strategy worked, as we were now ahead of schedule and on track to make the cutoff with time to spare. Phew! We swam onward.

The water started to calm down and the rain stopped as we made our way down the East River. Once you reach the West Channel in the East River and continue onto the Harlem River, the rivers narrow which makes for a significantly different experience than swimming in the Hudson. The water became incredibly calm, and we were swimming much closer to the shore and the bridges. It was a Friday night, and the city was truly alive. We swam by parks where people were out and about for the evening. It was fun and engaging to see signs of life outside of our little aquatic world. The bridges also literally start flying by. Many of them are less than a mile apart from one another on this portion of the swim, and they go by quickly- I lost count! While swimming under the bridges, we could visually see just how fast we were swimming relative to how quickly the bridges were passing by. We were MOVING. I have never experienced anything like that, coming from a background of swimming in the ocean and lakes. The sun set, the city lights were illuminated, and fireworks went off over the East River. It felt as if the fireworks were planned just for us.

It was so nice to have Michella in the water with me as a companion during the swim. Every time I breathed to the left, my trusty friend was in sight. We checked in with one another and offered words of encouragement to one another during our feeds. “We got this! We are doing great!”. I shared with Michella that my right shoulder was a bit uncomfortable (but not painful). My mind is usually very active and hyperaware during swims, although I feel that Michella’s presence and our sense of camaraderie helped me relax. Instead of worrying or fixating on it on my shoulder, I was able to be present and enjoy the swim. Eventually, the discomfort went away. I lost track of time, and all of a sudden the Columbia University “C” in the Harlem River appeared off to our right. I knew this was a significant landmark in the swim – as it is right by the Henry Hudson Bridge (the 19^th of the 20 Bridges), and right before the point in which the Harlem meets the Hudson for the last stretch of the swim. “YOU’RE IN THE HUDSON” Abby exclaimed, moments later. I was literally in shock and disbelief we had already made it that far. Time to swim down the Hudson back to Pier A, where we started from!

I might have gotten a little ahead of myself – because the home stretch of the swim down the Hudson is a pretty LONG home stretch. It is okay though, as we had plenty to look at as we approached the beautifully illuminated George Washington Bridge with the Manhattan skyline in the near distance. This moment in time was particularly meaningful to me. I thought of Marie and felt her presence. I felt a warm sense of well-being, resilience, and perseverance. The physical challenge of the swim paralleled the emotional challenge of working through ongoing, complicated grief and trauma I have faced after Marie’s death. Dedicating this swim to her was a way to reclaim the narrative of her life, shifting the focus back on who she was as a person, instead of what happened to her. Swimming in the same waters she loved was a meaningful celebration of her life, and a beautiful, cathartic way to remember her.

We continued down the Hudson. It was well past midnight now and I was feeling tired, and a little chilled from the winds picking back up. I drank some hot coffee with my feeds for warmth and a jolt of energy for the final portion of the swim. I popped my head up a few times to do some sightseeing from the water with Dave, admiring the illuminated skyline, and identifying the Empire State and Chrysler buildings. There were some rainbow lights up in the city for Pride, which may the skyline even more fun and festive. My hand hit a few blobby jelly-like things a few times. I decided not to ask what they might be, as I had heard tales of swimmers dodging used condoms in the rivers. Abby later said they could have been salps, and I am sticking with that story.

We passed Midtown Manhattan, and I knew that we were likely getting close to the end of the swim. Dave shared that we were at Chelsea Piers. I could see One World Trade Center down the river, which is the most obvious landmark near the Battery. We kept swimming, and before I knew it Abby and Mia announced the two sweetest words to any marathon swimmer, “LAST FEED! One mile to go!”. I couldn’t help but cheer in excitement. Not only would this swim be a huge accomplishment, but the last of three swims in The Triple Crown of Open Water Swimming for Michella. Catalina Channel, English Channel, and finally 20 Bridges. I was so excited to share the last leg of this journey with her, and the excitement to finish and crown the queen was palpable!

We picked up the pace for the last mile and made it back to Pier A, confirmed that we were in the correct ending point, and gave each other a huge hug in the water to celebrate our success. We did it! It was time to get back into the boat, bundled up, and back to dry land. Milko had finished shortly before us, and Dan was coming in just after us. We were awarded medals for finishing, and Michella and Milko (also a now a Triple Crown finisher) were crowned. A king and a queen! We took group pictures and celebrated an epic swim.

Then it hit me- it is almost 3am! I am exhausted! Michella, Mia, and I shared a cab back to our hotels. Rick greeted me in the lobby to congratulate me and help me bring all my gear up. I took a long, hot shower, and collapsed into bed.

The only problem was that I was so hyped up, I could barely sleep! I rested as much as possible, and we got a late start the next day, not emerging from our hotel room until afternoon. I still wanted to make the most of the rest of our trip so I rallied and we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge to get pizza and go to the park. It was surreal to think just the prior evening I had swam under where I was standing.

Amy, Sarah, Jordan, and Bengisu were swimming that day, so we headed over to Pier A that evening to cheer them on at the start of their swim. It was fun to support them and share their excitement after they were there for us the prior day. I love the sense of community in marathon swimming. It is unparalleled. Finally we headed back to the hotel for a magnificent, full night sleep.

The next day Rick and I made a trip to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. My great grandfather, Victor Blazic, immigrated from former Yugoslavia through Ellis Island in the early 20^th century. I still have memories of him from childhood, and my family is still in touch with our relatives in Croatia and Slovenia. It was amazing to find the records of his passage in their archives, and see his name inscribed on one of the memorials.

Rick and I flew back to San Diego later that evening. Our flight was uneventful, and I was tired. I also felt a distinct sense accomplishment and gratitude. Michella and I had an extremely successful tandem swim and essentially functioned as a single organism throughout the entire swim. I was grateful for her and proud of what we accomplished together though our training and fundraising. We did the damn thing!

Most importantly, I am grateful that Rick and I had the opportunity to visit NYC together, the city that his mom loved so much. It was an honor to be able to experience the city in a totally unique way by completing the 20 Bridges Swim in her memory. I wanted to thank everyone who supported me in any capacity and donated to the East Coast Main Coon Rescue in Marie’s memory. Marathon swimming is truly a team sport, and I appreciate each one of you so much. Thank you for reading – the saga of the 2023 season will continue with a write up of the Length of Tahoe. Stay tuned!

Hi all, welcome to my blog! I am excited to share my first blog post – a summary of my Catalina Channel swim. First, I wanted to provide some background on why I decided to set up this blog. I wanted to document my swims, so that I have a written record for personal use that I can look back and reflect on. I also wanted to share my experiences for those who are interested or may be aspiring to complete these swims, themselves! Finally, I want to share just exactly why my Catalina Channel swim was so incredibly meaningful to me. I have wanted to do this swim for over 10 years. I started open water swimming in 2008, in the lakes in Austin when I was a student at the University of Texas. My mom (also an open water swimmer) would venture down from Dallas to visit me, and we would compete in local races together. I started competing in ocean races when I would go out to San Diego to visit my grandma during the summer. When I was a Senior in college in 2011, Katy Dooley (my friend and teammate on the Longhorn Aquatics Masters team) was training to swim the Catalina Channel. I would join her for her training swims in Barton Springs and Lake Travis. I also read “Swimming to Antarctica” by Lynne Cox. The seed was planted that I eventually would swim the Catalina Channel – but it seemed like such an unattainable goal at the time.

I moved to San Diego in 2011 and started training in the ocean regularly. I swam my first (unofficial) marathon distance swim that winter, with my friend Tom Hecker, who was training for the Cook Strait at the time. Over the next few years I completed a Mainland to Catalina Island relay, Santa Cruz Island to Mainland relay, the Semana Nautica 6 mile race, and additional unofficial marathon distance swims with my pod. The prospect of a solo Catalina attempt still seemed overwhelming as a young professional trying to establish my career and personal life, and I wasn’t ready to commit to that level of training. Things took a very challenging turn in 2017 when my mental health suffered. From 2017 – 2019, I wasn’t swimming regularly. I suffered from multiple bouts of severe clinical depression. I didn’t even identify as a swimmer anymore – in fact I totally lost my sense of self. I took 2 leaves of absence from work between 2018 and 2019 to seek mental health treatment, and I recovered. My mom and I went on a Swim Trek trip in Greece in September 2019 and I rediscovered my love of swimming.

In Spring of 2020 when the beaches re-opened for active use after the initial pandemic shut-down, my friends Kat, Jaki, and I started swimming together. We kept each other going during that incredibly uncertain time and made an end of summer goal to swim a marathon-distance swim (7 miles from Swami’s to North Torrey Pines beach). My first marathon-distance swim in 6-7 years. It was so successful and exhilarating that we planned a second long swim, 7 miles from North Torrey Pines beach to La Jolla Cove. I was hooked again, and I felt that same motivation and sense of self that I had felt years before when I first started ocean swimming. Kat moved to France, the pandemic raged on, and Jaki and I kept swimming. Team Dumpster Fire (our clever moniker reflective of the general state of the world) was born, and we decided to train for Anacapa in 2021. In the back of my mind I entertained the idea that if Anacapa went well, I would train for Catalina in 2022. I swam from Anacapa to Oxnard on September 11, 2021 in 6:32:31; and Jaki on September 13, 2021 in 5:55:21. Without any hesitation I started anticipating my Catalina channel crossing. I was ready to commit to training for the swim that I had dreamed of for so long.

Now onto the main focus of this blog – THE SWIM! I was in pretty good shape from having done Anacapa in September, so I reduced my training volume for about 6 months, and then starting ramping things back up in March. For the most part, I did 6 swims per week (5 ocean swims, 1 masters workout, one day per week with a double workout), 1 strength training workout, and 1 rest day per week (or two if I was just feeling really tired). I don’t have an open water coach; rather I pieced my training plan together from what worked well for Anacapa, talking to friends who have successfully completed the swim, and reading the MSF forum. I gradually increased my “long swims” from 2-3 hours in late March/early April, up to my highest volume training month in June. I did two back-to-back 6 hour training swims two days in a row mid-month; and an 8 hour training swim at the end of the month (from 4a-12p in La Jolla, supported by Dan Swimonelli and Tom Hecker on kayak in 4 hour shifts). My last “long swim” was Around Coronado (once again, with Dan and Tom) on July 17, and then it was taper time. Other than a mild COVID infection at the end of May which set me back a week, and some muscular discomfort from overuse in mid-June (which was fortunately fixed with PT and massage) – my training went smoothly and according to plan. I felt incredibly prepared, confident, and excited for my swim.

My swim date was July 27 on The Bottom Scratcher (per recommendations from friends who have completed the swim!), so I rented an Airbnb in the Alamitos Beach neighborhood in Long Beach as home base from July 25 – July 28. I wanted to be able to fully rest and relax the day before and after without worrying about travel. My partner Rick, my mom Paula (Dumpster Fire Crew Chief), and I drove up to Rancho Palos Verdes to scope out the approximate ending point on the swim before on Monday July 25, before checking into our Airbnb. We had lunch at Terranea Resort, and then I did a quick test swim at Terranea Beach. I could feel the energy in water, it was incredibly exhilarating. The water was calm, clear, and warm (at least upper 60’s)! I don’t mind swimming in colder water, although this was a nice surprise as the Catalina Channel is known to have an upwelling near shore which can be challenging when you are fatigued towards the end of your swim. We went and checked out the location of The Bottom Scratcher at the 22nd Street Landing on our way to our Airbnb, checked in, prepared dinner, and called it a night!

The next day I slept in as late as possible (although it was hard given my excitement!) went to get a coffee at Wood Coffee (a cute vegan, queer-owned coffee shop in Rose Park, 10/10 recommend) and then CHILLED HARD the rest of the day. I am not a big napper, but I was at least able to lay down and rest for a significant portion of the day. Around lunch time, more friends arrived from San Diego. Jaki and Michella (support swimmers and just general support!) and Megan (CCSF observer). We packed up all of my swim gear, relaxed some more, and at THE LAST SUPPER! My preferred pre-swim meal is something rich in protein and complex carbs and easy to digest – teriyaki tofu, mashed sweet potatoes, and steamed spinach. I ate this same exact meal before Anacapa. I swear by it. I also had some cake – because Michella brought a cake – and cake is life.

We headed to 22nd Street Landing to board The Bottom Scratcher around 7pm and met the rest of the crew there: Tom Cook(friend/support swimmer), Barb and Linda (kayakers), and Roxy (second CSSF observer), as well as the Bottom Scratcher Crew. I was very impressed by Capt. Kevin’s calm, professional demeanor. I truly had the A-Team! Another swimmer, Will, was swimming with the Pacific Star that evening and I met him on the dock prior to boarding our pilot boats. He was with his friend Andrew, who would be swimming 2 days later. Dan was already scheduled to kayak for Will when I reached out to him about my swim, so although he wasn’t on my crew I was so happy to see him before our pilot boats departed and get a big hug for good luck. It felt like a good omen that we would be sharing the water.

We brought all of our gear on board, went through safety procedures and CCSF rules, and then it was time to depart to Catalina Island around 8pm! I spent a few minutes out on the deck to enjoy the water at dusk, and then went to lay down in my bunk. It was a little bumpy on the way over. I was worried I would get seasick (as I get seasick very easily) or that I would have rough conditions for my swim. I got SUPER sick during my Anacapa swim last year, as the conditions were God-awful. I was not-so-secretly hoping for glassy, perfect conditions this time (although I was prepared for whatever the ocean had in store). Fortunately, Bonine and Sea Bands did their job this time and I didn’t get sick on the ride over! I was too excited/nervous to sleep, and the 2 hour boat ride to Catalina felt like it took at least twice as long. Eventually the engine was quiet and we appeared to stop moving, so I peeked out of my bunk. We were at Doctor’s Cove.

It was time to get ready. I put my suit, cap, and goggles on, had Jaki help me cover my body head to toe in zinc (Badger sport SPF 40 mineral sunscreen is my favorite and stayed in place during my whole swim; I didn’t get sunburned at all, although I practically have to use a whole tube of it for a long swim). It was 11pm, and then it was time to swim! It wasn’t as dark as I was expecting as there was a building at Doctor’s Cove with a few lights, and lights on the boat and kayak. I slowly entered the water via the ladder on the back of the boat. The water was calm and warm. Yes! I swam to shore and cleared the shore line. I raised my hand to indicate that I had stepped on to dry land. I took a look around, took a deep breath, and took in the moment. I lowered my hand to indicate that I was re-entering the water to start my swim. I started swimming. The reality set in that I was now swimming the Catalina Channel. It was beautiful and surreal.

It usually takes me about 60-90 minutes to get warmed up and settled into my pace during a long swim, but I was feeling pretty good within 30-60 minutes which I believe was due to the adrenaline. I will admit, I was a little nervous swimming for 6+ hours in the dark. Not because I dislike swimming in the dark (in fact I do enjoy it), but because I was venturing into unknown territory. The longest I had swam in the dark prior to this was about 4 hours during Around Coronado. The Catalina Channel is darker than coastal night swimming due to the lack of city lights, which can supposedly been disorienting as some swimmers can’t visually distinguish the difference between the water and the night sky – it’s all just black. I hadn’t been in the channel at night for about 10 years (since my prior Catalina relay) but fortunately I didn’t have this experience. I could faintly tell the difference between the water and the night sky. I also had the lights on the kayak and boat, as well as some bioluminescent jelly-like creatures.

The first two hours went by smoothly and comfortably. I even think some dolphins may have swam under me around hour 2 – but my mind could have also just been playing tricks on me). Hours 3 and 4 started to wear on me a bit and I was looking forward to sunrise. I breathe bilaterally, so constantly having to refocus my vision on the lights of the kayak to my right, dark ocean below, and lights on the boat to the left was a bit aggravating, but manageable. Tom swam with me for an hour around hour 4, and Barb and Linda switched out kayak shifts at this time. Knowing I had successfully completed 4 hours in the dark and only had ~2 hours to go until it started getting lighter was a huge motivator. Around 5am, we started to get some glow from the city lights as we got closer to mainland, and the sun rose shortly thereafter. I was starting to feel a little fatigued from sleep deprivation (although I was feeling good physically) and had coffee with 2 of my feeds around 6:00am and 6:30am. I had made it through the night, I was feeling strong mentally and physically, I was warm, and caffeinated. It was glorious. Michella got in to swim with me for an hour around that time, and some dolphins greeted the crew (although I didn’t see them).

Hours 7-10 (6am-9am) were pretty uneventful. I was just in “go” mode. When Linda and Barb switched out again at hour 8 (~7am) I knew we were about to get into the juicy, interesting part of the swim. Once again, unknown territory, as my longest swim to-date had been my 8 hour training swim the prior month. Time to fuck around and find out (that is my mantra for marathon swimming). Hours 9- 10 weren’t really that different from hours 7-8 to be honest. I started losing track of time, which wasn’t a bad thing. I was in a steady rhythm, maintain my usual pace and stroke count, and feeling strong, although a little tired as expected. But I was warm, nothing acutely hurt, and I was good! It was wonderful to have my crew cheering for me on my feeds. Rick had a big photo of our pets (Melissa and Blufus the rabbits, and Sunny the conure) to hold up when I feel to keep me motivated. I also have an Against Me! (my favorite band) flag I hang from the boat to help cue me to sing myself my favorite songs to keep my mind occupied while I am swimming. “The Ocean”, “Bamboo Bones,” and “Black Me Out” were key tracks for this swim. Jaki also got in to swim with me around hour 9 which gave us the opportunity to talk shit in the ocean (our favorite thing to do) during my feeds.

I will say that hours 11-12 (10am-11am) was the most challenging part of the swim. They tell you not to look at the mainland, because you can swim for hours and visually it doesn’t look like you are getting any closer. What they DON’T tell you is how hard it is NOT to look at the mainland when you stop for your feeds. It’s like right IN YOUR FACE. So, for about 2 hours I was swimming and swimming and swimming and kinda psyching myself out worrying that I wasn’t making any progress (although everyone assured me I was). Then, Barb and Linda switched out kayaks again. I knew 12 hours had elapsed since they were operating in 4 hour shifts. I was hoping to finish in about 12 hours, and the shore didn’t appear to be getting closer. I wasn’t at the point where I was questioning if I was going to finish (that was never an option), although I was getting tired and a little discouraged. “Shit!” I muttered under my breath (the first negative thing I had verbalized during the whole swim). At the next feed, my crew asked me if I wanted another support swimmer. I answered simply, “MICHELLA!”. Michella and I can swim stroke-for-stroke for hours and I knew that was just what I needed. My mom told me I was ALMOST there (although I was skeptical about that) and Michella got ready to jump in and swim with me. Linda assured me we were in the home stretch. Having a friend in the water with me gave me new life and I picked up the pace. At that moment I wasn’t 12 hours into a channel swim – I was just swimming with Michella as we had done so many times before. The narrative in my mind changed. It was time to swim to shore!

 For the last hour or so of my swim, I broke through all barriers of physical and mental discomfort into a realm of swimming that I had never experienced before. It was almost euphoric. “Black Me Out” by Against Me! was on repeat in my head, and I was on autopilot. “Full body high, I’m never coming down”. Two silly visualizations also helped motivate me right at the end:

1. Brett Kavanaugh is waiting for me on shore and give him a swift kick in the crotch as I emerge from the ocean

2. Laura Jane Grace is waiting for me on shore with a private concert and Sidecar donuts

So there I am, swimming and daydreaming away, and Linda stops to offer me my final feed. I look up and can see the beach. I politely decline, put my head down, and keep swimming. Almost there. The water becomes shallow and I can start to see the bottom. Jaki, Michella, Tom, and Rick get in the water behind me to swim me in to shore. Linda points me to our landing point to the left, a sandy spot on the beach in Smuggler’s Cove. I start swimming to the right towards the rocks, in the totally opposite direction. She redirects me and I head the right way. The water is very shallow. The beach is right in front of me. I stand. I walk away from the shoreline. I am on dry land. My friends join me on shore. The Bottom Scratcher sounds it’s horns indicating that I have completed my swim. I swam the Catalina Channel. We all embrace, ask a very confused beachgoer to take a photo of us and text it to Michella, and take in the moment. We swim back to the boat.

I must admit I was surprised by how functional I was when I got back on the boat. My mom had my dry clothes and parka, coffee, and recovery shake ready to go. I wasn’t cold, but I bundled up to prevent the “after-drop” (which I fortunately didn’t experience). The water was 70-71 degrees most of the time and only dropped to 68-69 at the end. I was comfortable and prepared to swim in colder water but the channel God’s were forgiving. Furthermore, the ocean was flat and glassy for the majority of my swim right up until the end. We had a pleasant ride back to the harbor. Dan was even there on the Pacific Star to greet and congratulate me upon returning to the harbor! We loaded the car up and then made our way back to the Airbnb for Milk Bar cake and non-alcoholic champagne. It was time to take the most rewarding bath and nap of my life!

My swim was incredibly challenging, the hardest thing I have ever done, but in terms of conditions and logistics it could not have gone more smoothly. I am so grateful to my family, friends, and crew who made this possible. Especially my Dumpster Fire Crew Chief, my mom, who is literally my biggest fan. She sent me handwritten notes with motivational quotes every day for a month leading up to the swim. She probably only slept 30 minutes during the whole time on boat; was intently focused on me swimming for hours on end, counting my stroke rate, and ensuring everything was going smoothly amongst the crew. I am so lucky to have her support and unconditional love, and that we share our mutual love of ocean swimming. I must also recognize Rick who supports my swimming ventures on a daily basis and puts up with my wacky schedule, with all of the hard hours of training I put in. And of course, all of my friends who train with me on a daily basis and meet up to swim with me on various chunks of my long swims.

Furthermore, I am incredibly grateful to everyone who donated in support of my swim. I usually swim in the ocean as an act of escapism. To leave all of the troubles that lie onshore behind, and submerge in a different world. This swim was in efforts to make the world onshore a better place. I dedicated this swim to reproductive rights for all, and started a fundraiser for The National Network of Abortion Funds. It really took off and I raised over $2600. I carry a significant amount of existential dread with me on a daily basis, and the fact that together we made a difference helps alleviate some of that dread. I also made new friends – Abby and Kerianne – in the process, who also happened to be raising money for The National Network of Abortion Funds for their recent marathon swims (Lake Tahoe Vikingsholm route and Double Around Coronado, respectively). Our swims made a difference. Our swims mattered.

I am still reflecting on and processing this swim a week later (and probably will be for a while). The fact that I have accomplished not only a 10+ year in the making goal, but done so after overcoming multiple challenges with my mental health, is truly an indescribable feeling. Reflecting back on everything that has happened over the last several years, I am proud of the fact that took the time and effort in 2018-2019 to invest in myself and my mental health. Had I attempted this swim at a different stage in my life, I am not sure I would have had the mental fortitude to complete this swim successfully. What I learned in therapy over the years has been key to maintaining the right headspace during long swims and was paramount to my success. Not only did I reclaim my sense of self and identity as a swimmer – but I have emerged as a channel swimmer. That is everything, and I can’t wait for what is next in my swimming adventures!

And I will leave you with… photos of these super cute and super delicious cookies my mom’s friend Sidney made for the swim! She is so talented and I am obsessed!